Allow me to squash a few myths, here. There are plenty of reasons people get fat, and there are plenty of reasons people don’t lose the weight. There are plenty of assholes lame enough to use fat people as an over-done, cliché-as-they-come butt-end to extremely unoriginal jokes, and then there are pathetic, lazy people with food addictions who tell themselves they’re born to be fat so why bother getting healthy. You want the fugusting truth?
First of all, what’s your definition of fat? Do you base it on pant sizes? If you do, you’re an idiot. If you do, you’re not only ignoring the individual bone structure of most, but you’re neglecting to recognize that sizes are created by clothing companies who, depending on the company, want you to feel skinny or want only a certain body type to wear their merchandise. For women, a size six in one store can be three sizes smaller than a size six in another store. If you’re stupid enough to believe that size matters, pay attention. I’m going to educate you.
Every store in the country is surviving off peoples’ uncanny weakness to be manipulated by using one, very simple tool for leverage: our self-esteems. We are all being played. Is there anything we can do about it? No. Duh. Of course not. We need stores and stores need us. But when those companies are manipulating a universal corrupt value system of what is accepted and what is shunned? They’re making fuckheads out of us. Clothing size should not be what gauges our health. Ever. Look at it this way: every store is a salesman at your door. They’re going to tell you whatever they need to, to sell you their product. They have that right. But when they start telling you that you’re too fat (or simply genetically handicapped) to buy their product? Do yourself a favor, and don’t. Tell them to shove it up their ass. If the salesman is adjusting the pant size to make you feel thin? Don’t be stupid enough to think you still don’t need to go on a diet. They not only want to make a sale, they don’t give a shit about your health. So allow me to reiterate: clothing size should not be what gauges our health. (Unless it’s a plus size, which I touch on later…)
Why do people get fat? Good question. The general scientific reason is…well. Here: I’ll try to explain it as if I’m teaching a really stupid ten year old:
Let’s say you’re putting sand into a funnel. If you put in a little at a time, it goes right through easy peasy nice and cheesy. But if you’re pouring in too much at once, well. You know what happens. It piles up. Sort of like constipation.
So, you see, when people eat more than what their funnel can handle the excess has to be stored somewhere. In fat cells! But here’s what you don’t know: ALL FOOD has calories. For some stupid reason people think it’s necessary to illustrate fat people sitting around all day eating doughnuts and candy. Not every fat person is the sugar/junk food glutton you think they are. Some, yes. But some bodies need very few calories to make it through the day, especially if they’re not exercising. And sometimes these people don’t realize that they only need to eat about 1,000 calories a day (most people consume around 2,500). They eat three normal meals a day just like everyone else, but their body is not burning it off like other people’s do. Is this an excuse to stay fat? HELL NO! Figure out what your body needs. And for Pete’s sake, get out and go for a fucking run. Don’t run? Then go for a goddamn walk. The more you exercise, the more you’ll be able to eat. Don’t try to squeeze yourself into a size six, either. Remember, clothing size has nothing to do with how healthy you are. There’s plenty of skinny people out there with heart problems and no muscle tone. But let me tell you this, too: if you’re going to exercise? Then you have to fucking exercise. This means, push yourself. Don’t walk to the end of your street and call it good. Sweat. Make your muscles burn. If you over do it? It’s still healthier than not doing it at all.
What are other reasons people get fat? Depression. Unfortunate genetics. Food addiction. Medical problems. But here’s what you need to know:
Depression: Exercise changes the chemical balance in your brain and gives you a high. No matter how depressed you are (and I speak from clinical depression experience), get your fucking ass up and out the door and go for a goddamn walk. Start with a walk. Get it into a run after a week or so. Hate running? Buy some dumbbells and dance around your bedroom for twenty minutes. GET MOVING. Also? Stop eating to fill your voids. You’re filling nothing but your ass. Health is your best medicine against depression. And I should know. So go fucking do it.
Unfortunate genetics: I had a friend in high school who ate three candy bars a day and never gained an ounce. My sister ate bagels, salads and sandwiches, and the size of her ass was the talk of the school (and not in a good way). Our ethnicity may have something to do with it… But here’s the dealio: you are who are. Different shapes don’t mean healthy or not healthy. My skinny friend couldn’t run a mile save her life. My sister was on the track team and could kick my friend’s ass in a marathon any day. However, yo, here is the fugusting truth on this one: regardless of your genetics, being fat isn’t one of them. There’s no fat gene. There’s the wide-hip gene, and the big, round ass gene, and the chubby knee gene, and the big bone gene, but there ain’t no fat gene. I hate to break it to you, but you are one hundred percent responsible for being overweight. You want sympathy? You have my sympathy. Now get out and go for a fucking walk.
Food addiction: You’re no better than smokers, alcoholics, and druggies. I’m sorry, but you’re not. All of the above overdose their “drugs” for all the same reasons: self-pity. For some reason fat people get more sympathy than druggies and alcoholics. Now, I get it. I do. Fat people can’t OD on a bag of chips, get in a car and go kill someone under the influence of oil and salt. I get it. But fat people (meaning obese, several hundred pounders here) who have food addictions have all the same things other addicts do: enablers, self-loathing, self-pity, and no self-discipline. I’m sorry, you don’t have my sympathy. You want to live to be around for your grandchildren? You want to start living life? To begin with, tell your enablers to fuck off. They’re killing you slowly. What kind of fucking love is that? GET THEM THE HELL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! Secondly, talk to your doctor about options. Thirdly? DO THE WORK. Take ownership of your life, and do the fucking work it takes to get it back. You’re no different than any other junkie.
Medical problems: Okay, now this crowd has my sympathy. But it’s still possible to get healthy again. You just have to figure out what you can do physically, and you really need to think about counting your calories. Just sayin’.
Summary:
Fat people are ugly. So are druggies. It’s hard to have sex when you’re fat, so you may want to do yourself a favor and get on top of that (no pun intended). Clothing size is a fucking joke, so you ignorant shallow fuckheads who deem a certain size as acceptable and thin? Go to hell and rot. Don’t like fat people? Be careful…you could be one someday. Anything could happen. You could give birth, you could break your back and never be able to go on that fucking walk I keep talking about, or you could become an alcoholic and consume 4,000 calories a day in liquor. You never know! Oh, and if you are fat? As in, legitimately fat (20+ pounds overweight)? You’re not curvy, or big boned, or voluptuous. You’re fat. Plus size is the only exception to my size rule. Plus size = fat size. The more you admit to being fat, the more you’ll want not to be. And the more you want not to be, the more you’ll want to get healthy. Believe me, I’m doing you a favor. And that’s the fugusting truth, yo.
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